342. Essay: Relationship Decisions

by jfjudah

Work on you, don’t concern yourself with your future spouse. Worrying about your future spouse is an appealing obsession, about as healthy and lasting as cotton candy on the tongue.

Daughter, it seems to me that it’s not a woman’s job to chase down a man because that short-circuits the maturation process he so desperately needs if he is to be the rock you will need him to be. A spouse is to be strong when the other is worn down. But a man needs to have his own spine rather than have it supplied by someone else.

Son, the opposite point is true as well. It’s not a man’s job to make a woman respond to him or to fall in love with him. She should decide within her own heart, make up her own mind, be certain of her own accord.

If these two necessary parts are short-circuited, some day down the road when things are bad, challenging, tense, or unsure, the one who had their mind decided for them by someone else will almost certainly walk away. But when they think back to the moment of decision, if they made it on their own, more often than not it will bring them to the same decision as they originally had — of faithfulness and loyalty and love.

In matters of the heart, truncated free will eviscerates the value of the relationship. Forced love is empty. Having your mind decided for you is worthless. And worrying about who they are or someday could be is even worse.

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